Am I CRAZY?!?

I feel like a crazy person. I am starting IVF #2 (or is it really #1) on Saturday. I am not sure why I am putting myself through this. Again. Please pray for me! I have diminished ovarian reserve, so I am worried that I am doing this all for nothing!

I must say though, I have a great RE. He and his staff of nurses have managed to collect enough drugs, that I only paid $864 for drugs compared to $4000+ Thank you!!!!

Although I am feeling worried and blue, I still feel blessed though. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with an aggressive form of melanoma on her nose last week. She will need surgery and reconstruction of her nose. She is doing so well with the news, despite how scary cancer is...

Random: I bought tickets to Wicked last night! I know, random, but I am so excited! I have always wanted to see the musical, but I always miss it when it comes to the Big D. It sells out so freakin' fast. The show is on June 5th. Will I be in this same infertility situation? Only time will tell...

I hope everyone is having a good week! Please pray that these little ovaries can perform and give us some good quality eggs. Please!

Dallas Girl
xoxo

Moving forward with IVF! Well, sort of...

So, my saline sonogram showed more scarring at the bottom of my uterus! I was so upset that I cried the whole time the doctor tried to explain it to me. After I calmed down, he said the scarring was very minimal and we could work around it. While he prefers to remove it, he said the top of the uterus still looks good.

We are going to move forward with IVF and start stims on March 27th. At that time, we'll decide whether to transfer or to freeze the embryos. He said he would evaluate my lining during the cycle and if all looks good there, it would be our decision. **sigh** I hate when I have to make the decisions. But, I am thankful that I might have a shot or at least I can freeze what I have if I decide to move forward with surgery. If I do the surgery, it won't be until late summer before I can transfer the frozen embryos.

We aren't changing the protocol very much either. It worries me some, but we will start with higher doses and hope that it works.

It's not the best outcome, but at least I can move forward. I pray that God brings us strength and more patience. I pray that my ovaries will produce some good quality eggs, even if it's just a few.

Dallas Girl
xoxo

Check Out This Blog!

If you haven't yet, you must check out this blog!

It gives humor to the delicate world of IF. IF sucks, it's true! But this site helps us to not take ourselves so seriously (well, at least some of the time). It's called 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility at http://www.999reasonstolaugh.com. Check it out! I copied the below post because I am feeling like this is me right now!

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#796 "I know someone who knows someone who got pregnant trying..."

As soon as someone find out you’re dealing with infertility, the bad advice begins…

I know someone who knows someone who got pregnant after adopting their second child.. My friend’s daughter’s friend tried drinking herbs and got pregnant after 7 years…. My dentist’s sister couldn’t conceive and then an Acupuncturist blew in her left eye and poof! She got pregnant!

Suddenly everyone around you has a story about someone who knows someone else who got pregnant after infertility. Your doctor knows this person, your cleaning lady knows, your dentist knows and even your hairdresser knows someone. But oddly, no one ever seems to know this person directly. It’s like an urban legend. “I know someone who knows someone else who heard it on the radio that this couple tried getting pregnant for 8 years, and finally after switching toothpaste, she got pregnant!” Wow. That is a fantastic story for hope! Sarcasm.

Those stories aren’t helpful. Good for those couples who got pregnant but that doesn’t help you get pregnant any quicker. The best thing to do is counteract those stories with your own.

I know someone who knows someone who conceived on Easter and 9 months later, gave birth to chocolate cream-filled eggs. I know someone who got pregnant even though she had no uterus, he had no sperm and they never even had sex. I know someone who tried for 7 years, spent thousand of dollars on fertility treatments, miscarried and then still couldn’t get pregnant. How is that for a heart-warming story?

I know someone who waited each month for her baby to arrive and experienced heartbreak and disappointment when it didn’t. I know someone who tried fertility treatments that didn’t work but had the strength and perseverance to continue, never giving up hope. Maybe that someone is you.

The Wedding!

Okay, so it's not my wedding... but it's Jason and Molly's wedding! You remember Jason, right? He dumped Melissa Rycroft on TV for Molly. Yea, that Jason. I've been looking forward to a good wedding since I haven't been to any lately. I love a big wedding with all the flair. The lighting, the flowers, the band, the dress. Ah, I love a good wedding. And, the cake. I love cake!


Okay, enough about the Bachelor. Tomorrow is my saline sono appointment. I pray that my stupid uterus will pass the test. I am really nervous, as I just don't think I can go through surgery again. Plus, it's not good to have multiple surgeries down there. It just causes more problems and more scarring. I am sure all you IF guru's feel my pain, so please say a little prayer for me :)

Dallas Girl
xoxo

Waiting some more!

Yes, I have been MIA for awhile... Sorry! I've just been sad and going through the blues. I got the call a few days ago that the RE wouldn't be able to add me to the March 6th stim cycle. More waiting! My RE had surgery and he's just not able to get all the tests that I need in before that date. So, I am forced to go on the dreaded pill. I never thought I would hate BCP so much!

I get to start stims on March 27th now. I know, that's not very far away... But each day you wait feels like a lifetime. I've technically been waiting since my failed IVF attempt in November.

On another note, I have some vacation I need to use before my 5 year anniversary at work. *Gulp* 5 years! Crazy! So, I told my hubby we are going to the wine country! Well, the Texas wine country! I wish we could afford Napa, but all that money has to go to IVF. Grrrr.... So, we are staying at a Bed and Breakfast in Fredricksburg for a few nights and taking a wine tour one day. I know I am not supposed to drink (trying to do that whole healthy thing...blah), but I feel that this could lift my spirits. Plus, I love road trips!

Here's to March going by fast!
Dallas Girl
xoxo