Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Beta #2 and #3

The results are in folks....

Beta #2 on Monday was 182
Beta #3 on Wednesday was 601


I am very excited but extremely cautious and scared. I keep having twinges of discomfort on my left side. Just a little pressure here and there, but now I am so worried about an ectopic pregnancy! Did you know that 1 out of 30 have an ectopic with IVF? Only 1 in 200 have it when they get pregnant the old fashioned way. Blah!

I have had very light cramping off and on since my transfer. A little lower back discomfort and now light brown spotting. Ugh. I just don't have a good feeling about this! When you google these things you get everything from soup to nuts. So, I am obsessing over an ectopic pregnancy now. Please don't let that be the case. I don't need any more pain or surgery.

If you can, please say a little prayer for this baby. Pray that God will carry us through this path and calm our worries and fears. Pray that this is not an ectopic pregnancy.

Thanks girls :)

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 26, 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week!

April 24 - May 1 is...National Infertility Awareness Week!

This is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. Can you believe that 7.3 million Americans suffer from this awful disease/problem/hurdle?

I have found a lot of online friends and support on this forum. If you are looking for a great forum, this is it: It's a great resource for any and ALL things infertility.

You can also visit for TONS of information on fertility treatments, support groups, adoption and more.

Let's kick this infertility thing in the ASS!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Beta Results!

I have been nervous to post this or even say the words... The nurse called Thursday afternoon and I am PREGNANT! I was SO SHOCKED! I couldn't even believe her. Hahaha. My beta was 28 and they look for anything over 25. Eek, I just squeaked by, huh?

Tomorrow I got for my second beta. It has to be between 75 - 150. I am so nervous. I have had some light brown spotting and cramping, so I think my period is coming. I am so worried that my beta will have not risen, but dropped. I really don't have any pregnancy symptoms except for lower back pain and little light cramping. Is that bad? My boobs are a little sore, but nothing crazy. In fact, that could all be in my head.

I found this website that calculates an IVF due date and also tells you how may weeks you are... Today it said 4 weeks, 3 days. So, I guess that is really early, huh? Most people wouldn't even know they are preggers yet.

I keep praying to God for a miracle tomorrow. I am so nervous with this light brown spotting now too. I just can't shake the negative feelings, thoughts...that this won't work out.

Going to try and stay very busy today. We will probably go to church, then lunch and maybe a movie. We are starting to run out of movies though, with all the time we've been trying to kill over the last few weeks.

We scanned the pay per view movies last night and there were a ton of new releases we've already seen. Ugh! That's what happens!

I haven't told anyone except my parents about this IVF. I figured it would give me more control to tell people when I was ready, rather than them asking. Especially if it doesn't work out. All of my close friends have children now and they did not experience any infertility. They all think IVF works for all. If only...

I know tomorrow will come and the nurse will call. I am scared to death. Please say a prayer for me.

We have prayed for this child!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Beta Tomorrow!

My beta is here folks. I made it. It's tomorrow morning. But...I know it didn't work. I have lost ALL pregnancy feeling symptoms and I am starting to make up ones every time I get a twinge or a smell of something. LOSER!

This is exactly what happened after my last IUI. My HCG shot symptoms went away several days before my test and it was negative. I searched and googled everything about "diminishing symptoms" during the 2ww. But, deep down, I knew. And so, I know now. I have just spent $8000+ with nothing to show for it. No baby, no BFP, no embryos in the freezer either. The money is gone. We don't have IVF insurance coverage, so it's all out of pocket.

Deep down, I knew this cycle was doomed. My uterus/lining issues and then the blow at transfer that the blasts were blah. They tried to "pep talk" me right before transfer saying it was great that I even made it to a Day 5 transfer... Blah, blah, blah.

I cried before , after and the next day following my transfer. Will that help me with the blow tomorrow? I suspect not. When do you give up? I want to give up. Every married friend I have has children, if not 2 or 3. I spend my weekends on the couch watching bad TV and they spend their weekends with their children at birthday parties and things with their kids.

Before I go to bed tonight, I will say my prayers. Just as I always do. But I might pray that God doesn't let me go to that dark place in my head where I feel completely hopeless, lost and like a big fat failure. Again. IVF #2. Check. Done.

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 19, 2010

More Waiting...

Only three more days until the the BIG test. As it draws near, I am getting even more nervous about the depression I will have if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, then all 12 fertilized embryos were abnormal. And, I have none in the freezer. That means, that in a whole year I would have never "gotten pregnant" on my own (if I ovulated). It's really scary and and overwhelming to think about.

A friend told me that she went to dinner with an old college friend. Apparently this old college friend had been trying for 3 years and did a bunch of fertility treatments with no BFP at the end. The first month she stopped with the guessed it! She was pregnant. I know those stories happen, but I am not that lucky folks.

My biggest fear is/was that I don't have any normal eggs. I'm scared to have to try this again, which would be IVF #3 sort of... I don't want to do donor eggs. I mean, I am 31! There has to be one good one, right?

I've been researching vacation spots. I'm hoping we can go to Mexico in June and we just booked a Memorial Day Weekend trip with our friends in their RV. We are going to Austin and Fredricksburg for a little fun! I figure I am not going to let this 2 week wait keep me from making plans and moving on. Life happens when you are busy making life plans :)

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday Blah-Day

I usually like Sunday Fundays, but today is just BLAH! I just have that gut feeling that nothing is happening with our little blasts that were implanted last Tuesday. The fears are going through my head:

What if this doesn't work?
What if we can never produce quality embryos?
What if we have to keep trying and how will we afford it?

Oh, the" what-if's" will get you!

Just praying that we get a BFP on Thursday. Please!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Reality of a Day 5 Transfer

Well, on one hand, I made it to the Day 5 transfer. On the other hand, when I arrived at the ARTS department I didn't receive the news I had been praying for. I have been waiting for the ball to drop and it looks like this might be it folks.

Out of my 4 excellent day 3 embryos, 2 good and 3 average (I'll leave out the 3 poor ones here) only 3 made it to blast. Barely. The two they had to transfer were basically a "C" with some "D" components. I can't really remember what the embryologist was saying, but she kept saying that they were "early" blasts. Huh? She said it's very hard to grade early blasts. Hmm..... I was hoping for at least a B here. I knew quality would be a problem. Ugh. The 3rd blast didn't even make it to freeze. Double ugh. So, this is it. They transferred two low grade blasts and now I wait.

It feels like so much to go through for that kind of news. Everyone assumes that if you do IVF, you'll get pregnant.

I keep praying. And praying. I have already taken so much time off from work and now it looks like I might have to take more time off again if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, I'll have to have another hysteroscopy and then time off again for IVF.

Please pray for me. I need prayers. I need to believe this can work. Please let it work!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1

Dallas Girl

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Day 5 - Transfer Day

I have such nerves and anxiety. The lab called on Sunday for my Day 3 report of my embryos:
4 excellent
2 good
3 average
3 poor

We won't know the "fate" of the embryos today until right before transfer in a few hours. I am super nervous about their true quality. I am also super, super nervous about my uterine lining. While the nurse and RE say "it looks great," my pep talk from the nurse yesterday didn't really calm my fears. They said they feel really confident. However, I can't shake the fear of knowing there is a small amount of scar tissue at the bottom of the uterus. And, I don't know what my lining truly is measuring at this point... I remember about a week ago it was at a 10. Is that enough? I read that with IVF they want 12-14. The nurse said I will never have a perfect uterus. It's not possible with the multiple surgeries I have had to date. *sigh*

Am I doing the right thing? Doing a transfer with an imperfect uterus? I guess I have to trust in the RE and God's plan for us. I know people get pregnant with thin linings, but I am not that lucky. Plus, I don't want to miscarry.

Geez....this is all so scary.

I'll update later today.

Dallas Girl

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Lab Report!

The lab report call came yesterday morning! When I saw the number my heart started to race... I wasn't expecting the call until later that afternoon, so I immediately thought something was wrong. The report was completely SURPRISING. I was stunned:
23 eggs retrieved
16 mature
12 fertilized with conventional IVF (no ICSI)

I am having a hard time being excited with these results, only because I know the really tough part begins. Will the embryos divide? Are there any quality eggs in there? Will they have fragmentation? What if all of the embryos are blah? Ugh. And so it is. The next hurdle is here folks. I am very happy I have made it to this point. I am so blessed and thankful. But, as many of you know, there is still a HUGE hurdle to overcome. The results will come on Sunday - Day 3. It seems like an eternity away. I am praying hard and hoping for the best.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate everyone's support!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” – James 1:17

Dallas Girl

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Retrieval Day

I have survived retrieval! I never made it to retrieval on my first IVF, so it feels good to cross this hurdle! When we checked in at 7:15 am this morning the nurse asked me how many eggs we were expecting. I was hesitant to answer (didn't want to jinx myself) but I said that there were about 10 follicles I thought. She reviewed all the ART lab procedures and then I was wheeled into the room.

When I woke up, my RE said he collected 21 eggs. Ummm....excuse me? Did they find a third ovary or something? I couldn't believe it. I still don't believe it folks. I know what you are thinking...that I should be over the moon with these numbers. That other women would kill for these numbers. But, I just can't let myself get too excited. Needless to say, I am still worried that none will fertilize or all will be crap. Ugh. Those years of drinking and smoking in college way heavily on my mind. Not to mention the six months of accutane. The worrying never stops!

I just pray the we have some great, mature eggs that fertilize or that they will use ICSI before it's too late! I also pray that we can get at least one excellent blast to transfer, hopefully on Day 5. The nurse kept talking about having leftover embryos to freeze. I just kind of laughed and said that's the least of my worries! I have to get some embryos first :)

So, another night of prayer and bad TV to keep my mind busy. Thank goodness I am going to work tomorrow, as I might go crazy waiting for the lab to call.

Please say a little prayer for me if you can :)

Dallas Girl

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Big Day

I am anxiously waiting my retrieval day! The nurse called today and it will be Thursday morning at 8:15 am! I passed the final ultrasound and blood test this morning. My estrogen was 2279 and my lining looks good. The RE will check on Thursday to see if the scar tissue is passable for a transfer. I am a little nervous. Okay, I am a lot nervous!

I have about 11-13 follicles that are the right size. Or so we hope! My left side is actually doing a little better than my right. I was so surprised. I am just glad that the left ovary has come to the party! I am extremely worried about egg quality, so it helps to have both sides working. I know I have many more hurdles to cross, but I pray that this will work out. I'm scared to have the transfer with scar tissue in my uterus, but I know the doctor won't do anything if he doesn't think I have a chance to carry a pregnancy. Please let there be some QUALITY in these eggs!!! Please!

I am not sure what the next few days hold, but I am so appreciative that I have made it this far!

I take my trigger shot at 8:15 pm tonight. Wish me luck!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! Rather than starting out with my IVF progress, I thought I would list what I am thankful for this Easter:

1) My wonderful husband... who always stays true and optimistic.
2) My parents. They are loving, caring parents who deserve a grand baby! Ha!
3) My wonderful friends - love them!

I am very thankful for the people in my life. While sometimes I get blue that everyone is experiencing mommyhood, I do know that they are praying for me :) I know that God has a plan for all of us and we must trust in his plan!

We didn't make it to church today. My mother-in-law had Melanoma removed from her nose on Friday and she didn't feel like going to church with all her bandages. So, we lounged on the couch this morning and then made Easter lunch. We are waiting on her biopsy of her lymph nodes under her chin. Please say a prayer!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter with family or friends. If you can't be with those peeps, then I hope you are having a relaxing day doing exactly what you want!

Off to the RE tomorrow for my appointment. I think retrieval day will be on Thursday - so scared!!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I feel like a crazy person. I am starting IVF #2 (or is it really #1) on Saturday. I am not sure why I am putting myself through this. Again. Please pray for me! I have diminished ovarian reserve, so I am worried that I am doing this all for nothing!

I must say though, I have a great RE. He and his staff of nurses have managed to collect enough drugs, that I only paid $864 for drugs compared to $4000+ Thank you!!!!

Although I am feeling worried and blue, I still feel blessed though. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with an aggressive form of melanoma on her nose last week. She will need surgery and reconstruction of her nose. She is doing so well with the news, despite how scary cancer is...

Random: I bought tickets to Wicked last night! I know, random, but I am so excited! I have always wanted to see the musical, but I always miss it when it comes to the Big D. It sells out so freakin' fast. The show is on June 5th. Will I be in this same infertility situation? Only time will tell...

I hope everyone is having a good week! Please pray that these little ovaries can perform and give us some good quality eggs. Please!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Moving forward with IVF! Well, sort of...

So, my saline sonogram showed more scarring at the bottom of my uterus! I was so upset that I cried the whole time the doctor tried to explain it to me. After I calmed down, he said the scarring was very minimal and we could work around it. While he prefers to remove it, he said the top of the uterus still looks good.

We are going to move forward with IVF and start stims on March 27th. At that time, we'll decide whether to transfer or to freeze the embryos. He said he would evaluate my lining during the cycle and if all looks good there, it would be our decision. **sigh** I hate when I have to make the decisions. But, I am thankful that I might have a shot or at least I can freeze what I have if I decide to move forward with surgery. If I do the surgery, it won't be until late summer before I can transfer the frozen embryos.

We aren't changing the protocol very much either. It worries me some, but we will start with higher doses and hope that it works.

It's not the best outcome, but at least I can move forward. I pray that God brings us strength and more patience. I pray that my ovaries will produce some good quality eggs, even if it's just a few.

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Check Out This Blog!

If you haven't yet, you must check out this blog!

It gives humor to the delicate world of IF. IF sucks, it's true! But this site helps us to not take ourselves so seriously (well, at least some of the time). It's called 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility at Check it out! I copied the below post because I am feeling like this is me right now!

#796 "I know someone who knows someone who got pregnant trying..."

As soon as someone find out you’re dealing with infertility, the bad advice begins…

I know someone who knows someone who got pregnant after adopting their second child.. My friend’s daughter’s friend tried drinking herbs and got pregnant after 7 years…. My dentist’s sister couldn’t conceive and then an Acupuncturist blew in her left eye and poof! She got pregnant!

Suddenly everyone around you has a story about someone who knows someone else who got pregnant after infertility. Your doctor knows this person, your cleaning lady knows, your dentist knows and even your hairdresser knows someone. But oddly, no one ever seems to know this person directly. It’s like an urban legend. “I know someone who knows someone else who heard it on the radio that this couple tried getting pregnant for 8 years, and finally after switching toothpaste, she got pregnant!” Wow. That is a fantastic story for hope! Sarcasm.

Those stories aren’t helpful. Good for those couples who got pregnant but that doesn’t help you get pregnant any quicker. The best thing to do is counteract those stories with your own.

I know someone who knows someone who conceived on Easter and 9 months later, gave birth to chocolate cream-filled eggs. I know someone who got pregnant even though she had no uterus, he had no sperm and they never even had sex. I know someone who tried for 7 years, spent thousand of dollars on fertility treatments, miscarried and then still couldn’t get pregnant. How is that for a heart-warming story?

I know someone who waited each month for her baby to arrive and experienced heartbreak and disappointment when it didn’t. I know someone who tried fertility treatments that didn’t work but had the strength and perseverance to continue, never giving up hope. Maybe that someone is you.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Wedding!

Okay, so it's not my wedding... but it's Jason and Molly's wedding! You remember Jason, right? He dumped Melissa Rycroft on TV for Molly. Yea, that Jason. I've been looking forward to a good wedding since I haven't been to any lately. I love a big wedding with all the flair. The lighting, the flowers, the band, the dress. Ah, I love a good wedding. And, the cake. I love cake!

Okay, enough about the Bachelor. Tomorrow is my saline sono appointment. I pray that my stupid uterus will pass the test. I am really nervous, as I just don't think I can go through surgery again. Plus, it's not good to have multiple surgeries down there. It just causes more problems and more scarring. I am sure all you IF guru's feel my pain, so please say a little prayer for me :)

Dallas Girl

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Waiting some more!

Yes, I have been MIA for awhile... Sorry! I've just been sad and going through the blues. I got the call a few days ago that the RE wouldn't be able to add me to the March 6th stim cycle. More waiting! My RE had surgery and he's just not able to get all the tests that I need in before that date. So, I am forced to go on the dreaded pill. I never thought I would hate BCP so much!

I get to start stims on March 27th now. I know, that's not very far away... But each day you wait feels like a lifetime. I've technically been waiting since my failed IVF attempt in November.

On another note, I have some vacation I need to use before my 5 year anniversary at work. *Gulp* 5 years! Crazy! So, I told my hubby we are going to the wine country! Well, the Texas wine country! I wish we could afford Napa, but all that money has to go to IVF. Grrrr.... So, we are staying at a Bed and Breakfast in Fredricksburg for a few nights and taking a wine tour one day. I know I am not supposed to drink (trying to do that whole healthy thing...blah), but I feel that this could lift my spirits. Plus, I love road trips!

Here's to March going by fast!
Dallas Girl

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010


Hello ICLWers!

I am a 31 year old Dallas girl and have been married for 5 years this past October. We've been trying for baby #1 for 2+ years now.

We've tried 3 rounds of Clomid, IVF, IUI and now we're about to start IVF #2. I have all the problems - endo, fibroids, scarring/adhesions, ovulatory problems and now...very low ovarian reserve for a 31 year old.

It's been a rough road, but I pray that our journey will eventually lead to mommyhood!

I am new to ICLW, but I am excited to be a part of such a wonderful, supportive group.

Sunday randomness

It's Sunday and so BLAH here! This Dallas weather sucks lately! I am catching up on my reality shows. Here are a few that I love. Please don't judge :) And yes, I have a problem! Ha!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

I got my wig busted!

I finally got my hair highlighted and cut! Yea! I feel like a new person. The last time I had this done was right before my busted IVF cycle. I hope this isn't a bad sign...getting it done right before another cycle?!? Yikes!

I am so ready for March to get here. Let's get the show on the road! I know my egg quality will be piss poor. I was never thinking about having kids in high school and college when I was socially smoking. Or when I took Accutane for my skin. There is nothing I can do now, but I know that the quality will be bad.

Getting nervous too about my protocol. I am doing the same protocol as last time, except this time I have been taking two months of estrogen. The RE is hoping this jump starts my ovaries. Of course, he will also give me higher doses of meds too.

I think the hubby and I are going to eat crab legs. And I am going to have a glass of wine. Again, I am not pregnant, so screw it! Gotta live life sometimes!

Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Dallas Girl

Friday, February 19, 2010

I feel like I'm lying...

I finally ate the frog (it's a book, but don't bother reading it if you've ever read, Who Moved My Cheese - ha!) and emailed by boss this morning. You see, I am supposed to travel for work and you can't do that during an IVF cycle. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him:
a) in person or
b) that I was doing IVF, which is the reason for no travel.

So, I kinda ate that frog! I think I was some what honest in my email... I said that I needed to have a small procedure (egg retrieval and transfer) and treatment (meds) for which I will have to be closely monitored for a few weeks in March. So I won't be able to fly. I guess if he asks, I'll say it's a female thing. My VP of Marketing knows that I have had several procedures for scarring and endo, so she'll probably confirm it if he asks.

I just hope that I am not ruining my chances for success by not giving up the entire truth. I don't want to jinx myself!! I don't need any bad luck or karma right now. I know that sounds crazy, but I want this to work! Please God. Let this turn out with a baby at the end. I am running out of sanity, tears and money. Not to mention I have the ovaries of a 45 year old woman and I am 31! I am running out of time here!

It's another rainy, yucky day in Dallas. I feel like I moved to Seattle. Which reminds me....I must watch Grey's Anatomy from last night. I keep watching the damn show, even though it's not that great anymore.

Happy Weekend Friends!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Today was a bittersweet day. My friend from work had her baby this morning - a little girl. I knew it! She thought it was a boy this whole time, but I had a gut feeling that it was going to be a girl.

I also found out that a fellow endo co-worker (who was starting the process to adopt) is pregnant with twins. Naturally. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to insult her, but I was like.... "really?!?" And she is having a boy and a girl! So lucky!

I was hoping that would be me in a few months, but now I feel like it won't be since it's so unlikely that two people at such a small office will be preggers with twins. Isn't that crazy? I secretly had this crazy hope that I would end up pregnant with twins and that we would find out it was a boy and a girl. Pretty stupid, huh? I guess that is why it's called a "dream." I am so fearful of this upcoming IVF. I fear that I won't respond to the medication or that I will only have a few eggs, but of poor quality. I worry that they will transfer three ( if I even get that many) but none will take. Or they will take and I will miscarry. So many fears, so much time to worry...

Sorry to ramble. While I am happy for all my pregnant/new moms friends out there, it really escalates my fears. Off to bed to forget about this bittersweet day.

Dallas Girl

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Heart Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all my friends! I am sucker for any holiday with red and pink! Yesterday my wonderful hubby got me a 90 minute massage. Yea, you read this correctly. 90 whole minutes. It was so great!! After the massage, I quickly showered and we went to dinner. I even had a couple of glasses of red wine. Yes, I did. I deserve it. I am not pregnant and I shouldn't have to suffer all the time, right?

Today we are going to see the movie, Valentine's Day. I am sure it won't be that great (the critics are raking it across the coals) and I know Julie Roberts is only in it for 6 minutes, but we are still going... We'll probably grab lunch too and maybe a little shopping?

Only 12 more days left on my estrogen/progesterone therapy. And then, hopefully, I'll get to start IVF on March 6th. I am praying that my next sonogram shows no problems. Come on uterus! I am so excited that I might just buy myself a little something today. Here's to wishing for a happy heart in 2010!

Dallas Girl

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Too Good to be True??

I actually received some good news today when I went to the doctor! How often does that happen in my world?!? Haha. I had an ultrasound today to determine how my lining/uterus is doing on my hormone replacement therapy. This protocol is being used because I have Asherman's Syndrome and had scar tissue removed on December 30th. After surgery, I started taking estrogen and progesterone to encourage healing and growth of the lining. Who knew your body needed estrogen to heal?

Well, the nurse AND THE DOCTOR were very happy with my lining and how everything looked. Thank you God! I have been praying and praying. It's the best news I have heard since April 2009 really. I am not out of the woods yet... still have to wait until I start my period at the end of the month, so that I can have a saline sonogram. This will be the true test! I am hoping that all works out, so I can start IVF stims on March 6th. I am trying to not get too excited about everything as my ovarian reserve is TERRIBLE, but the doctor really made me feel better today. I finally feel hopeful that I have a chance at pregnancy. That makes me happy.

It's snowing in Dallas. Like, really snowing! It's been coming down all day. I'm not a huge fan of snow, but it's been really pretty. The hubby and I are going to make a little breakfast food for dinner and watch some Grey's Anatomy (even though the show has gotten super depressing lately).

Thank, thank you for all the prayers!

Dallas Girl

Monday, February 8, 2010


I f''ing hate Facebook sometimes. Why do I check it everyday? Just to get more announcements from newly pregnant friends?


In the midst of IF, I am thankful for so many things in my life. Today, my co-worker/close friend told me about her step-father's progress from back surgery and a stroke. Her Mom is the constant caregiver and never sleeps. It's tough on her and this is her life now. She thought she was getting a second chance at love, but giving 24 hour care is her reality.

So, today I take note of things I am thankful for in my life. My health, my husband, great family, my home and food on the table. We both have jobs and great friends. I believe in God and I am thankful that he brought my husband and I together. So, today I remember that there ARE people out there that have it much, much worse than I... and for those, I pray.

On a lighter note, it's time to watch the Bachelor. He's super cheesy, but whatever... He's a Dallas boy, but a little girly sometimes. Happy Bachelor. It's the little things to get you through the day.

Dallas Girl

Sunday, February 7, 2010


I am just plain lazy this weekend. Actually, I think I am really depressed. I can't get past the worrying about "what if it never happens?!" I just can't. So, here I sit, all weekend watching Jersey Shore and all sorts of bad reality TV.

There are so many things to do around this house, but I just have no energy. No desire to do anything productive. Ugh. I feel so lazy, but I just don't care. How do you get past this? How do you truly believe that God has a plan for you? Those are my unanswered questions.

I have a Super Bowl party to go to today. I am trying to be excited about it, but it's combined with a 1 year old's birthday party. Everyone with their kids. Great! Just what I need! Hahaha. I can't even drink. It's not that I have to drink to have a good time, but I am not pregnant! I repeat! I should get to have a beer or at least one cocktail. I think acupuncture is causing me more harm than good. They basically tell me you can't do anything fun because your are "trying." I am so freaking over it.

Hope you are being lazy this weekend too. We all deserve a dose of it for the crap we go through!

Dallas Girl

Thursday, February 4, 2010

US Weekly

On Thursday's, I look forward to coming home to a fresh US Weekly in the mailbox. I love to curl up on the couch for some Thursday night TV while I ready my gossip mag. For those of you who don't know me... I love the celebrity gossip. LOVE. I am a junkie. Well, you can see where I am going with this. The mail was already on the counter (my hubby works from home) when I got home and NO magazine! It just sums up the week. Crap!

On another note, my only non-pregnant BFF (ha!) is going for a big interview tomorrow. I hope she gets it! She is so excited to get back into her career field again and I am praying this works out. She has been so different lately, like my old friend before she had her daughter. Not that her daughter doesn't light up her life, but it's great to see her old passions come back :)

I spent the afternoon surfing fertility forums. I am so discouraged! I wish a sign would happen. I wish God would send me a note that told me exactly what to do... I wish my US Weekly had made it home to take my mind off the future :)


Dallas Girl

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Hump Day

Well, it's Wednesday and we all know what that means! A little closer to the weekend. Thank goodness. This week has been so busy, I can barely keep up. I am getting nervous about my doctor appointment next week. It's a week away and I am praying that the doctor won't make me wait too much longer for IVF. My test results for ovarian reserve were awful. Well, worse than awful. So I don't want to waste any more time! I just turned 31, but my ovaries are more like 41. Ugh!

I am trying to stay positive and form my questions on a paper. I also made an appointment with another doctor as well. I think I need that second opinion that everyone talks about. I know my breaking point though. I will not do donor eggs. I am glad it's there for those who want/need this option. But, it's not for me. I don't want to hear that speech from my doctor, but I am scared that it might happen...

For those of you reading, low ovarian reserve at 30 (right before my birthday) was not what I wanted to hear. I have read every website, blog, forum that you can imagine. All with mixed emotions and a lot fear. Fear of failure. Fear of never ever having children. Fear of more heartache. More tears.

Oh, how I wish I had as much money as I do fear. I'm not sure I would be rich, but I would sure enjoy a nice vacation! Or two. Maybe even buy a pool for those hot Dallas days.

Dallas Girl

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Plan B

I am watching one of my fave Bravo TV shows and a commercial comes on for Plan B. The pill that you can take if you forget to use protection the night before. Geeeeez! All I want to do is watch Millionaire Matchmaker. The last thing I need today is a commercial about PREVENTING getting knocked up. If only it were that easy.

"Not Even Trying"

Isn't it hard to hear the words "I wasn't even trying and it just happened?" It seems to be the preferred response for Dallas girls. We'll be out to dinner, hashing out the latest gossip...when someone drops the "I'm pregnant" bomb. Which is usually followed by "it just happened and we weren't even trying!" I mean, really? How many women just say that, but secretly have been peeing on pregnancy tests? Grrr....

I'm not trying to be all negative here, but seriously. Is everyone pregnant? My entire support group is pregnant. Everyone! Not kidding! Everyone is drinking from the fertility fountain. I just found out another friend I have been supporting over the last year with her infertility journey guessed it! Pregnant! Ugh. I am trying to be all happy and supportive. But inside I am dying. I am so crushed and I feel so alone. I thought I would be leaving 2009 behind me, but it seems to just keep following me. Please stop 2009. It's a new year and it's supposed to be filled with hope not sorrow.

Dallas Girl

A pic from our best vacation ever. I wish I were there now.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


I feel like I am always waiting... Waiting for test results. Waiting for appointments. Waiting for a few cycles to pass to let my body "rest." Time passes slowly it seems, with lots of worrying. While I try to keep busy, sometimes it just gets old.

I am trying to channel my nervous waiting into blogging. I am new to the blog world. But truth be told, I have a few blogs out there that I love to read. These women are struggling with the same thing I am. Trying to have a baby. I hope that my blog can help give comfort to other women going through this. Lord knows we need to stick together! It's also a release for me, as I am not telling anyone this time around about my potential IVF cycle.

You can tell my by stats that I am very infertile! Honestly, I haven't been able to spend much time trying, because the last year has been spent in surgery and on various treatment protocols. I pray that 2010 will be the year! The year for all of us to get pregnant and stay pregnant.

Dallas Girl