Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Beta #2 and #3

The results are in folks....

Beta #2 on Monday was 182
Beta #3 on Wednesday was 601


I am very excited but extremely cautious and scared. I keep having twinges of discomfort on my left side. Just a little pressure here and there, but now I am so worried about an ectopic pregnancy! Did you know that 1 out of 30 have an ectopic with IVF? Only 1 in 200 have it when they get pregnant the old fashioned way. Blah!

I have had very light cramping off and on since my transfer. A little lower back discomfort and now light brown spotting. Ugh. I just don't have a good feeling about this! When you google these things you get everything from soup to nuts. So, I am obsessing over an ectopic pregnancy now. Please don't let that be the case. I don't need any more pain or surgery.

If you can, please say a little prayer for this baby. Pray that God will carry us through this path and calm our worries and fears. Pray that this is not an ectopic pregnancy.

Thanks girls :)

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 26, 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week!

April 24 - May 1 is...National Infertility Awareness Week!

This is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. Can you believe that 7.3 million Americans suffer from this awful disease/problem/hurdle?

I have found a lot of online friends and support on this forum. If you are looking for a great forum, this is it: It's a great resource for any and ALL things infertility.

You can also visit for TONS of information on fertility treatments, support groups, adoption and more.

Let's kick this infertility thing in the ASS!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Beta Results!

I have been nervous to post this or even say the words... The nurse called Thursday afternoon and I am PREGNANT! I was SO SHOCKED! I couldn't even believe her. Hahaha. My beta was 28 and they look for anything over 25. Eek, I just squeaked by, huh?

Tomorrow I got for my second beta. It has to be between 75 - 150. I am so nervous. I have had some light brown spotting and cramping, so I think my period is coming. I am so worried that my beta will have not risen, but dropped. I really don't have any pregnancy symptoms except for lower back pain and little light cramping. Is that bad? My boobs are a little sore, but nothing crazy. In fact, that could all be in my head.

I found this website that calculates an IVF due date and also tells you how may weeks you are... Today it said 4 weeks, 3 days. So, I guess that is really early, huh? Most people wouldn't even know they are preggers yet.

I keep praying to God for a miracle tomorrow. I am so nervous with this light brown spotting now too. I just can't shake the negative feelings, thoughts...that this won't work out.

Going to try and stay very busy today. We will probably go to church, then lunch and maybe a movie. We are starting to run out of movies though, with all the time we've been trying to kill over the last few weeks.

We scanned the pay per view movies last night and there were a ton of new releases we've already seen. Ugh! That's what happens!

I haven't told anyone except my parents about this IVF. I figured it would give me more control to tell people when I was ready, rather than them asking. Especially if it doesn't work out. All of my close friends have children now and they did not experience any infertility. They all think IVF works for all. If only...

I know tomorrow will come and the nurse will call. I am scared to death. Please say a prayer for me.

We have prayed for this child!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Beta Tomorrow!

My beta is here folks. I made it. It's tomorrow morning. But...I know it didn't work. I have lost ALL pregnancy feeling symptoms and I am starting to make up ones every time I get a twinge or a smell of something. LOSER!

This is exactly what happened after my last IUI. My HCG shot symptoms went away several days before my test and it was negative. I searched and googled everything about "diminishing symptoms" during the 2ww. But, deep down, I knew. And so, I know now. I have just spent $8000+ with nothing to show for it. No baby, no BFP, no embryos in the freezer either. The money is gone. We don't have IVF insurance coverage, so it's all out of pocket.

Deep down, I knew this cycle was doomed. My uterus/lining issues and then the blow at transfer that the blasts were blah. They tried to "pep talk" me right before transfer saying it was great that I even made it to a Day 5 transfer... Blah, blah, blah.

I cried before , after and the next day following my transfer. Will that help me with the blow tomorrow? I suspect not. When do you give up? I want to give up. Every married friend I have has children, if not 2 or 3. I spend my weekends on the couch watching bad TV and they spend their weekends with their children at birthday parties and things with their kids.

Before I go to bed tonight, I will say my prayers. Just as I always do. But I might pray that God doesn't let me go to that dark place in my head where I feel completely hopeless, lost and like a big fat failure. Again. IVF #2. Check. Done.

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 19, 2010

More Waiting...

Only three more days until the the BIG test. As it draws near, I am getting even more nervous about the depression I will have if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, then all 12 fertilized embryos were abnormal. And, I have none in the freezer. That means, that in a whole year I would have never "gotten pregnant" on my own (if I ovulated). It's really scary and and overwhelming to think about.

A friend told me that she went to dinner with an old college friend. Apparently this old college friend had been trying for 3 years and did a bunch of fertility treatments with no BFP at the end. The first month she stopped with the guessed it! She was pregnant. I know those stories happen, but I am not that lucky folks.

My biggest fear is/was that I don't have any normal eggs. I'm scared to have to try this again, which would be IVF #3 sort of... I don't want to do donor eggs. I mean, I am 31! There has to be one good one, right?

I've been researching vacation spots. I'm hoping we can go to Mexico in June and we just booked a Memorial Day Weekend trip with our friends in their RV. We are going to Austin and Fredricksburg for a little fun! I figure I am not going to let this 2 week wait keep me from making plans and moving on. Life happens when you are busy making life plans :)

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday Blah-Day

I usually like Sunday Fundays, but today is just BLAH! I just have that gut feeling that nothing is happening with our little blasts that were implanted last Tuesday. The fears are going through my head:

What if this doesn't work?
What if we can never produce quality embryos?
What if we have to keep trying and how will we afford it?

Oh, the" what-if's" will get you!

Just praying that we get a BFP on Thursday. Please!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Reality of a Day 5 Transfer

Well, on one hand, I made it to the Day 5 transfer. On the other hand, when I arrived at the ARTS department I didn't receive the news I had been praying for. I have been waiting for the ball to drop and it looks like this might be it folks.

Out of my 4 excellent day 3 embryos, 2 good and 3 average (I'll leave out the 3 poor ones here) only 3 made it to blast. Barely. The two they had to transfer were basically a "C" with some "D" components. I can't really remember what the embryologist was saying, but she kept saying that they were "early" blasts. Huh? She said it's very hard to grade early blasts. Hmm..... I was hoping for at least a B here. I knew quality would be a problem. Ugh. The 3rd blast didn't even make it to freeze. Double ugh. So, this is it. They transferred two low grade blasts and now I wait.

It feels like so much to go through for that kind of news. Everyone assumes that if you do IVF, you'll get pregnant.

I keep praying. And praying. I have already taken so much time off from work and now it looks like I might have to take more time off again if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, I'll have to have another hysteroscopy and then time off again for IVF.

Please pray for me. I need prayers. I need to believe this can work. Please let it work!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1

Dallas Girl

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Day 5 - Transfer Day

I have such nerves and anxiety. The lab called on Sunday for my Day 3 report of my embryos:
4 excellent
2 good
3 average
3 poor

We won't know the "fate" of the embryos today until right before transfer in a few hours. I am super nervous about their true quality. I am also super, super nervous about my uterine lining. While the nurse and RE say "it looks great," my pep talk from the nurse yesterday didn't really calm my fears. They said they feel really confident. However, I can't shake the fear of knowing there is a small amount of scar tissue at the bottom of the uterus. And, I don't know what my lining truly is measuring at this point... I remember about a week ago it was at a 10. Is that enough? I read that with IVF they want 12-14. The nurse said I will never have a perfect uterus. It's not possible with the multiple surgeries I have had to date. *sigh*

Am I doing the right thing? Doing a transfer with an imperfect uterus? I guess I have to trust in the RE and God's plan for us. I know people get pregnant with thin linings, but I am not that lucky. Plus, I don't want to miscarry.

Geez....this is all so scary.

I'll update later today.

Dallas Girl

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Lab Report!

The lab report call came yesterday morning! When I saw the number my heart started to race... I wasn't expecting the call until later that afternoon, so I immediately thought something was wrong. The report was completely SURPRISING. I was stunned:
23 eggs retrieved
16 mature
12 fertilized with conventional IVF (no ICSI)

I am having a hard time being excited with these results, only because I know the really tough part begins. Will the embryos divide? Are there any quality eggs in there? Will they have fragmentation? What if all of the embryos are blah? Ugh. And so it is. The next hurdle is here folks. I am very happy I have made it to this point. I am so blessed and thankful. But, as many of you know, there is still a HUGE hurdle to overcome. The results will come on Sunday - Day 3. It seems like an eternity away. I am praying hard and hoping for the best.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate everyone's support!

“Every good and perfect gift is from above.” – James 1:17

Dallas Girl

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Retrieval Day

I have survived retrieval! I never made it to retrieval on my first IVF, so it feels good to cross this hurdle! When we checked in at 7:15 am this morning the nurse asked me how many eggs we were expecting. I was hesitant to answer (didn't want to jinx myself) but I said that there were about 10 follicles I thought. She reviewed all the ART lab procedures and then I was wheeled into the room.

When I woke up, my RE said he collected 21 eggs. Ummm....excuse me? Did they find a third ovary or something? I couldn't believe it. I still don't believe it folks. I know what you are thinking...that I should be over the moon with these numbers. That other women would kill for these numbers. But, I just can't let myself get too excited. Needless to say, I am still worried that none will fertilize or all will be crap. Ugh. Those years of drinking and smoking in college way heavily on my mind. Not to mention the six months of accutane. The worrying never stops!

I just pray the we have some great, mature eggs that fertilize or that they will use ICSI before it's too late! I also pray that we can get at least one excellent blast to transfer, hopefully on Day 5. The nurse kept talking about having leftover embryos to freeze. I just kind of laughed and said that's the least of my worries! I have to get some embryos first :)

So, another night of prayer and bad TV to keep my mind busy. Thank goodness I am going to work tomorrow, as I might go crazy waiting for the lab to call.

Please say a little prayer for me if you can :)

Dallas Girl

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Big Day

I am anxiously waiting my retrieval day! The nurse called today and it will be Thursday morning at 8:15 am! I passed the final ultrasound and blood test this morning. My estrogen was 2279 and my lining looks good. The RE will check on Thursday to see if the scar tissue is passable for a transfer. I am a little nervous. Okay, I am a lot nervous!

I have about 11-13 follicles that are the right size. Or so we hope! My left side is actually doing a little better than my right. I was so surprised. I am just glad that the left ovary has come to the party! I am extremely worried about egg quality, so it helps to have both sides working. I know I have many more hurdles to cross, but I pray that this will work out. I'm scared to have the transfer with scar tissue in my uterus, but I know the doctor won't do anything if he doesn't think I have a chance to carry a pregnancy. Please let there be some QUALITY in these eggs!!! Please!

I am not sure what the next few days hold, but I am so appreciative that I have made it this far!

I take my trigger shot at 8:15 pm tonight. Wish me luck!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! Rather than starting out with my IVF progress, I thought I would list what I am thankful for this Easter:

1) My wonderful husband... who always stays true and optimistic.
2) My parents. They are loving, caring parents who deserve a grand baby! Ha!
3) My wonderful friends - love them!

I am very thankful for the people in my life. While sometimes I get blue that everyone is experiencing mommyhood, I do know that they are praying for me :) I know that God has a plan for all of us and we must trust in his plan!

We didn't make it to church today. My mother-in-law had Melanoma removed from her nose on Friday and she didn't feel like going to church with all her bandages. So, we lounged on the couch this morning and then made Easter lunch. We are waiting on her biopsy of her lymph nodes under her chin. Please say a prayer!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter with family or friends. If you can't be with those peeps, then I hope you are having a relaxing day doing exactly what you want!

Off to the RE tomorrow for my appointment. I think retrieval day will be on Thursday - so scared!!

Dallas Girl