Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Beta #2 and #3

The results are in folks....

Beta #2 on Monday was 182
Beta #3 on Wednesday was 601


I am very excited but extremely cautious and scared. I keep having twinges of discomfort on my left side. Just a little pressure here and there, but now I am so worried about an ectopic pregnancy! Did you know that 1 out of 30 have an ectopic with IVF? Only 1 in 200 have it when they get pregnant the old fashioned way. Blah!

I have had very light cramping off and on since my transfer. A little lower back discomfort and now light brown spotting. Ugh. I just don't have a good feeling about this! When you google these things you get everything from soup to nuts. So, I am obsessing over an ectopic pregnancy now. Please don't let that be the case. I don't need any more pain or surgery.

If you can, please say a little prayer for this baby. Pray that God will carry us through this path and calm our worries and fears. Pray that this is not an ectopic pregnancy.

Thanks girls :)

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 26, 2010

National Infertility Awareness Week!

April 24 - May 1 is...National Infertility Awareness Week!

This is a movement to raise awareness about the disease of infertility which affects 7.3 million Americans. Can you believe that 7.3 million Americans suffer from this awful disease/problem/hurdle?

I have found a lot of online friends and support on this forum. If you are looking for a great forum, this is it: It's a great resource for any and ALL things infertility.

You can also visit for TONS of information on fertility treatments, support groups, adoption and more.

Let's kick this infertility thing in the ASS!

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Beta Results!

I have been nervous to post this or even say the words... The nurse called Thursday afternoon and I am PREGNANT! I was SO SHOCKED! I couldn't even believe her. Hahaha. My beta was 28 and they look for anything over 25. Eek, I just squeaked by, huh?

Tomorrow I got for my second beta. It has to be between 75 - 150. I am so nervous. I have had some light brown spotting and cramping, so I think my period is coming. I am so worried that my beta will have not risen, but dropped. I really don't have any pregnancy symptoms except for lower back pain and little light cramping. Is that bad? My boobs are a little sore, but nothing crazy. In fact, that could all be in my head.

I found this website that calculates an IVF due date and also tells you how may weeks you are... Today it said 4 weeks, 3 days. So, I guess that is really early, huh? Most people wouldn't even know they are preggers yet.

I keep praying to God for a miracle tomorrow. I am so nervous with this light brown spotting now too. I just can't shake the negative feelings, thoughts...that this won't work out.

Going to try and stay very busy today. We will probably go to church, then lunch and maybe a movie. We are starting to run out of movies though, with all the time we've been trying to kill over the last few weeks.

We scanned the pay per view movies last night and there were a ton of new releases we've already seen. Ugh! That's what happens!

I haven't told anyone except my parents about this IVF. I figured it would give me more control to tell people when I was ready, rather than them asking. Especially if it doesn't work out. All of my close friends have children now and they did not experience any infertility. They all think IVF works for all. If only...

I know tomorrow will come and the nurse will call. I am scared to death. Please say a prayer for me.

We have prayed for this child!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Beta Tomorrow!

My beta is here folks. I made it. It's tomorrow morning. But...I know it didn't work. I have lost ALL pregnancy feeling symptoms and I am starting to make up ones every time I get a twinge or a smell of something. LOSER!

This is exactly what happened after my last IUI. My HCG shot symptoms went away several days before my test and it was negative. I searched and googled everything about "diminishing symptoms" during the 2ww. But, deep down, I knew. And so, I know now. I have just spent $8000+ with nothing to show for it. No baby, no BFP, no embryos in the freezer either. The money is gone. We don't have IVF insurance coverage, so it's all out of pocket.

Deep down, I knew this cycle was doomed. My uterus/lining issues and then the blow at transfer that the blasts were blah. They tried to "pep talk" me right before transfer saying it was great that I even made it to a Day 5 transfer... Blah, blah, blah.

I cried before , after and the next day following my transfer. Will that help me with the blow tomorrow? I suspect not. When do you give up? I want to give up. Every married friend I have has children, if not 2 or 3. I spend my weekends on the couch watching bad TV and they spend their weekends with their children at birthday parties and things with their kids.

Before I go to bed tonight, I will say my prayers. Just as I always do. But I might pray that God doesn't let me go to that dark place in my head where I feel completely hopeless, lost and like a big fat failure. Again. IVF #2. Check. Done.

Dallas Girl

Monday, April 19, 2010

More Waiting...

Only three more days until the the BIG test. As it draws near, I am getting even more nervous about the depression I will have if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, then all 12 fertilized embryos were abnormal. And, I have none in the freezer. That means, that in a whole year I would have never "gotten pregnant" on my own (if I ovulated). It's really scary and and overwhelming to think about.

A friend told me that she went to dinner with an old college friend. Apparently this old college friend had been trying for 3 years and did a bunch of fertility treatments with no BFP at the end. The first month she stopped with the guessed it! She was pregnant. I know those stories happen, but I am not that lucky folks.

My biggest fear is/was that I don't have any normal eggs. I'm scared to have to try this again, which would be IVF #3 sort of... I don't want to do donor eggs. I mean, I am 31! There has to be one good one, right?

I've been researching vacation spots. I'm hoping we can go to Mexico in June and we just booked a Memorial Day Weekend trip with our friends in their RV. We are going to Austin and Fredricksburg for a little fun! I figure I am not going to let this 2 week wait keep me from making plans and moving on. Life happens when you are busy making life plans :)

Dallas Girl

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Sunday Blah-Day

I usually like Sunday Fundays, but today is just BLAH! I just have that gut feeling that nothing is happening with our little blasts that were implanted last Tuesday. The fears are going through my head:

What if this doesn't work?
What if we can never produce quality embryos?
What if we have to keep trying and how will we afford it?

Oh, the" what-if's" will get you!

Just praying that we get a BFP on Thursday. Please!

Dallas Girl

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Reality of a Day 5 Transfer

Well, on one hand, I made it to the Day 5 transfer. On the other hand, when I arrived at the ARTS department I didn't receive the news I had been praying for. I have been waiting for the ball to drop and it looks like this might be it folks.

Out of my 4 excellent day 3 embryos, 2 good and 3 average (I'll leave out the 3 poor ones here) only 3 made it to blast. Barely. The two they had to transfer were basically a "C" with some "D" components. I can't really remember what the embryologist was saying, but she kept saying that they were "early" blasts. Huh? She said it's very hard to grade early blasts. Hmm..... I was hoping for at least a B here. I knew quality would be a problem. Ugh. The 3rd blast didn't even make it to freeze. Double ugh. So, this is it. They transferred two low grade blasts and now I wait.

It feels like so much to go through for that kind of news. Everyone assumes that if you do IVF, you'll get pregnant.

I keep praying. And praying. I have already taken so much time off from work and now it looks like I might have to take more time off again if this doesn't work. If this doesn't work, I'll have to have another hysteroscopy and then time off again for IVF.

Please pray for me. I need prayers. I need to believe this can work. Please let it work!

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. John 14:1

Dallas Girl